How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
