My sheets look like a crime scene.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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