So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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