Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this will be a night to untag.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
