I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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