they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
