You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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