her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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