I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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