We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
