I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
cat food counts as protein by the way
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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