He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
