just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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