yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize