Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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