This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fuck appropriateness.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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