so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
