and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
