I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
