Whod you bang
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
