You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize