i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
