All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
