Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize