I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
