I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
