Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
