We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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