Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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