they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
