we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
