I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
