He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
