Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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