I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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