made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
