At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
