i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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