Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
