WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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