I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
