I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
