she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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