life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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