WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
