She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
