Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
