was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
