You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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