last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
3pm strippers are depressing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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