I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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