I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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