you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
birth control should be required to get into college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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