I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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