i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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