Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
