the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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