I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
