I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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