Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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