there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
MIDGETS
????
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
