Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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