oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
