So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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